Craving to be ignored

This past weekend was full of church services, time with friends, and other fun things in Amman. This didn't really leave that much time for studying, but I'm determined to catch up this week in my final few days here.

One of the things I realized this past weekend is how much I miss being ignored. This might sound kind of paradoxical, especially for those of you who know me well enough to know that being ignored normally isn't one of my favorite things. And yet, the truth is, I think I'd enjoy some time out of the limelight right now. You see, ever since I arrived in Amman almost a month ago I feel like I have been on a stage. Everywhere I go, I am stared at like some kind of specimen. Outside of my Arabic classes, I am so clearly an outsider that it's nearly impossible to not attract attention to myself. I am aware of how even something as small as where my eyes are looking can create interest in me or unwanted attention. This has made me more aware of my actions and behavior than I have ever been. Even in church, I am usually the only non-Arab and therefore I am aware of how I am watched. Someone is always paying attention to me: to where I am looking, what I am doing, what I am saying, or who I'm speaking to.

I didn't really comprehend how much this had been weighing on me until I was in church on Saturday night. Since I arrived in Amman, every Saturday night I've attended an English service at the Episcopal church near my house. Except for a few small children, I am definitely the youngest adult who attends, but the people are very welcoming and genuine in their desire to worship God and learn more about Him together. This Saturday night, I was sitting in a pew during the prelude music, and realized that I was more relaxed in that moment than I had been for a very long time. I didn't feel like I stood out or that I was being stared at. I was simply another person preparing to worship with those around me. I am so thankful for the way that the Lord rejuvenated me and strengthened me in that service.

This will probably be my last post before I head to Bethlehem on Friday (the time has flown by!!). Just a heads up, I am going to shut down this blog for a few days around Friday, just to avoid any border issues crossing into the West Bank. I will put it back up once I am safely settled in Bethlehem and have internet access. If you think of it, please pray that I will be allowed to enter the West Bank with no problems and little delay. This border crossing is one of the most volatile (arguably in the world) but I am trusting that the Lord will allow me to cross with little problem.

Here are some pictures:

Still lovin' panorama. This is the incredible view of Amman from my roof.

The Black & White Mosque in Ashrafiyya. It looks like something out of Willy Wonka to me.

The Assemblies of God church in Ashrafiyya that I have been worshipping in during my time in Amman.

Church friends at Mat3am Hashem, a popular falafel/hummus restaurant in downtown. Izis (woman on right) and her family have especially welcomed me into their home several times these past few weeks.

Post-edit: You should not have to re-sign up for my blog or anything once I put it back up. I'm just going to make it invisible, not delete it, so it'll just be un-viewable for a few days. Hope that clears up any confusion :)